What is said in Ellen White's writings about raising children?

Raising children, according to Ellen White, is a sacred ministry of parents before God. It consists not merely in rules and behavior modification, but in the daily shaping of a child's character through love, personal example, prayer, labor, and wise discipline.

Ellen G. White consistently referred to the family as a child's first school. It is at home that habits, attitudes toward God and others, self-control, truthfulness, and the responsible fulfillment of duties are formed. The church and the school can support parents, but they can never replace their personal, daily influence.

The Home as the First School of Character

In books such as Child Guidance, The Adventist Home, and Education, Ellen White emphasizes that parents are the first teachers. A child learns not only from explanations, but primarily by observing. The tone of a parent's voice, their reaction to an offense, their attitude toward work, honesty in little things, and mutual respect between husband and wife: all of this educates the child every day.

The biblical principle of family upbringing is to speak of God's truth naturally, in the ordinary rhythm of life, and not only during times of worship.

“These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” Deut 6:6–7

White reminds us that parenting begins with the self-discipline and education of the parents themselves. It is impossible to convincingly teach a child gentleness if shouting and humiliation reign in the home; it is difficult to instill truthfulness if adults themselves disregard the truth. Her well-known thought from the book Child Guidance is that the early training of children requires careful study, because their future depends largely on the education received in childhood. At the same time, parents must keep their own hearts and lives pure.

Start Early, Act Consistently

Ellen White advises against waiting until a child becomes a teenager before trying to quickly correct established habits. The early years are an especially critical time for developing obedience, self-control, neatness, gratitude, diligence, and respect for others. This does not mean excessive strictness or demands that are inappropriate for the child's age. Parents should patiently instruct, repeat, explain, and set a good example themselves.

The apostle Paul addresses not only children, but parents as well. An adult’s authority should be directed toward spiritual growth, not crushing the child’s individuality.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Eph 6:4

Consistency is particularly vital. If a rule applies today but is set aside tomorrow due to weariness or a desire to avoid conflict, the child does not learn responsibility. For White, order in the home is not a cold formality: it fosters security, helps the child understand boundaries, and prepares them for independent life.

Love and Discipline Must Be Inseparable

White warned against both harshness and blind indulgence. Love does not mean permitting everything. Parents who fail to teach a child obedience, respect, and responsibility deprive them of an essential moral compass. Yet discipline should never be the result of anger. Shouting, shaming, hurtful words, and physical cruelty destroy trust and distort the child’s perception of the Heavenly Father.

The Bible shows that true love cares enough to correct, but God’s discipline always has a redemptive purpose.

“For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives.” Heb 12:6

In practical terms, this means: first calm down, listen to the child, briefly explain what the mistake was, determine a fair consequence, and then reassure them of your love. The goal of discipline is not to “conquer” the child, but to teach them to discern good from evil, to ask for forgiveness, and to make right choices.

Spiritual Upbringing Happens Every Day

In Ellen White’s view, family religion must be alive. Praying together, reading the Bible, giving thanks for food, talking about the day's experiences, and maintaining a warm atmosphere help the child see that God is near in every circumstance. However, formal religious routines cannot replace sincerity. Children quickly notice whether their parents’ words match their lives.

White placed special emphasis on training in useful labor, service to others, and spending time in nature. Age-appropriate work develops helpfulness and self-respect; service cultivates compassion; nature directs the mind toward the Creator. She also advised guarding children from harmful influences—not by isolating them completely from the world, but by teaching them how to make wise choices.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Prov 22:6

Hope for Imperfect Parents

The high ideal of Christian parenting should not lead parents to despair. No family is flawless. Ellen White directs parents to depend on Christ: to acknowledge their mistakes before their children, ask for forgiveness, pray for wisdom, and start anew. Such genuine humility also builds character.

God promises to give wisdom to those who ask Him in faith.

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” Jas 1:5

Thus, in Ellen White’s writings, parenting is a patient, Christ-centered discipleship within the home. A practical step for parents today: choose one trait you wish to nurture in your child—such as gratitude, truthfulness, or obedience—and throughout this week, model it daily in your own life, discuss it with your child, and pray about it together.